The year was 2017, and I found myself thinking that I was wasting my time with school and … just everything in general. I was feeling unaccomplished with where I was in life, and that awfully depressed me .. and it didn’t help that during this time of disorientation and ‘’wondering,’’ I was starting to see my friends receiving their degrees, getting their dream jobs, and/or even starting families for themselves…
Now, I’ve come to realize that feeling this way is okay for some part because we ARE allowed to feel, to be sad, to be happy, and to find ourselves.. But feeling this way doesn’t mean that we aren’t/ or shouldn’t be happy for our friends/ family/ or strangers who are accomplishing their own goals. We have to remember that they could’ve also gone through something that we don’t know… Nevertheless, it is OKAY to feel your feelings, but know why you are feeling that way so that you can do something about it, and try not to undermine others for it.
Furthermore, in 2019 I did a lot of reflecting with everything that was happening and it is important to note that yes, time is precious and we shouldn’t waste any second of it, but also time is one that we should let take it’s natural course. This includes healing, achieving goals, relationships, and so much more.
College life, a time to be ”alive,” or so they say. But that’s a little difficult to do when you become the head of the household at 17. Although, don’t get me wrong having to do that was hard, but being able to help out my mom was worth it ( a tale to discuss later on); still I did struggle trying to balance being a full time student and employee.
I was constantly sick, or at the hospital since I have gastritis ( an inflammation of the protective lining of the stomach ), and stress is one of the factors that make it hurt the most. I was also staring to fail classes, prolonging my degree even more. I was feeling mentally and physically exhausted…. scared that I was never going to pass this hurdle of my life, and as that routine continued I started losing interest in my education and just wanted to work to get as much money as I could to get my mom and I debt free. But is working nonstop worth it ?
Oh it’s only 125 hrs biweekly
At one point I took almost a whole year off from school and started working around 125 hrs every two weeks. Yes, ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY FIVE HOURS, I practically lived at my job and at the beginning of it I actually felt unstoppable… But what was the cost to this ? Well, working so much was draining me 10xs more than before, and my health was going bonkers. Yeah.. I was getting paid a lot of MONEY, but no, this was not worth my sanity. On top of that now I reaaaalllly prolonged my education, and I didn’t know if it was good to even go back to school after all this time. Then one day while I was off, I realized that if I really wanted a better future for myself and my family, then why was I compromising my education?
Having an education, even if it’s just an associates, can already give you an advantage and it opens up more opportunities. Now, I am not a straight A 4.0 GPA student, but I do believe that this is something that can help you more than you think, and plus… ”YOU’LL NEVER KNOW UNTIL YOU TRY” – Davee Jones
Nevertheless, I do understand that school isn’t for everyone, and that’s okay too. Some people go on to become very successful individuals without the need for school! But with this being said, in my case I really believe that going back to school was the right choice for me, but what you decide for you… is up to YOU.
Finally got it!
With time and effort.. and four long years, I worked my gluteus maximus off, and was finally able to get my associates! I know.. by this time I could’ve had my bachelors, but honestly I was/ and still am so proud of myself for pushing through and not letting my thoughts or time bring me down. I was able to continue and ”my oh my” reaching the finish line was something that I thought would never happen… but it did.
”Life is like a race, but it’s not about who reaches the finish line the fastest, it’s about actually committing to yourself to push through the race and make it to the finish line no matter what because what matters most is making it.”– Nicki Wonders
Now, do you think you’re wasting time? Well, from my perspective and with what I’ve experience I can tell you that you are not. You might be feeling down because you see others accomplishing things faster than you, or simply because you don’t see yourself where you thought you would be by now.. and that’s okay because as I mentioned before ”time is precious and we shouldn’t waste any second of it, but also time is one that we should let take it’s natural course.” Thus, if it’s taking you a while to finish a certain goal just be patient while still working on it because you will accomplish it; But in the instance that you don’t accomplish your goal, remember that if this is something that you really want then try again, although while doing that know your limit because you don’t want to try and try for something that you may have to accept will not come true.
For example, I wanted to be a nurse… failed chemistry lecture around 4 times.. I kept going though.. but I had to come to terms that this wasn’t for me anymore.. and that’s OKAY. I was able to learn new things, fail and tried again, and understood that I had to take some time off. I did research on other careers and now I feel overjoyed with excitement with the career I am pursuing.
However the key word is TIME. Let time take its course with your life, but if an opportunity arises then don’t let it pass by. Although, if you have to take time off to find yourself and see where you want to be, then take it. You are not loosing anything, because the pieces will come together again, or become better.
”You are not wasting your time, things just take time.
You are exactly where you need to be, and that’s a guarantee.
Take it slow, and see how you’ll grow, and soon you will see where you are meant to be. ”– Nicki Wonders
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